*Superdrug's waxing strips are RUBBISH!
*Evening primrose oil really is my life support (That reminds me, I need to buy some!!)
*I tend to feel 'lower' when hungry
*I don't really know where to start for finding somewhere to live next year.... nor do I want to!
*I have difficulty in saying no
*I never know for sure when I'm hungry
*I'm not going to be able to get to less than 10 stone in weight in time for the MSI gigs (24th and 25th April....). Especially not if I go out drinking!
*I procrasitnate a lot
Monday, 17 March 2008
Sunday, 16 March 2008
I've just realised.....
I never even told you everything that happened when I saw nana last weekend!
Saturday, 15 March 2008
Oh, PUH-LEASE!
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/pressass/20080315/tuk-cameron-wants-family-friendly-uk-6323e80.html
Support for the family is the key to curing social ills like crime, drug abuse
and educational under-performance, cutting the cost of government and paving the
way for "sustainably lower taxes", Mr Cameron told the party's Spring Forum in
Gateshead.
Errr, no it isn't. You'll never completely cure 'social ills'. And no matter how well the families were supported, there'd still be those stupid lazy ghetto chav mums who couldn't care less about their kids or anything serious/adult/sensible.
And taxes will never lower because of inflation. They'll just rise.
Talking about this has got me daydreaming about what I'd do if I was a politician. Meh, MUST MUST MUST stop chatting rubbish on here and do some bloody WORK!!!!
Why a mood diary?
Because I've discovered since I started retaking my first year of uni in September (Perhaps before then) that my brain chemistry is abnormal, and not just because I have Asperger's Syndrome.
I know my mum's bipolar, so I get the feeling I might have inherited some mental fragility from her. Also, my brother gets depressed very easily, but he's more classically - read severely - autistic than I am.
*clears throat* Sorry, tangent again. Anyway, the nub and gist of it is that if I keep a mood diary for a couple of weeks (How I felt at what time, what factors have made me feel like that, whether I remembered to take EPO and vits or not, what I ate etc etc etc).
Anyway, for those of you who've never heard of any of these things....
I'll put up my personal definition of Aspergers' Syndrome (id est, how it affects me) later on. But if you want something more generic, here are some links below.
Asperger's Syndrome - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
Autism - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism
Austitic spectrum - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autistic_spectrum
Bipolar (Apparently, it's quite common for bipolar people to have children on the autistic spectrum) - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder
I know my mum's bipolar, so I get the feeling I might have inherited some mental fragility from her. Also, my brother gets depressed very easily, but he's more classically - read severely - autistic than I am.
*clears throat* Sorry, tangent again. Anyway, the nub and gist of it is that if I keep a mood diary for a couple of weeks (How I felt at what time, what factors have made me feel like that, whether I remembered to take EPO and vits or not, what I ate etc etc etc).
Anyway, for those of you who've never heard of any of these things....
I'll put up my personal definition of Aspergers' Syndrome (id est, how it affects me) later on. But if you want something more generic, here are some links below.
Asperger's Syndrome - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
Autism - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism
Austitic spectrum - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autistic_spectrum
Bipolar (Apparently, it's quite common for bipolar people to have children on the autistic spectrum) - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder
Just a quick recap on my moods yesterday and so far today
Friday 14th March: Overall, not good at all once I woke up (About 2pm). But I gave mygirlfriend a call about half-11 and felt much happier once I'd spoken to her and told her about Abi (More on him later, maybes).
Saturday 15th March: .... Ummmm.. in-between, I guess, close enough to happy except I need to sort my podge out and I have NO idea whether to go home for the hols or not.
Oh yes, I have GOT TO GOTTOGOTTOGOTGOTgotto sctually do some work on my essays for Japanese, TV across languages and French revision.
Saturday 15th March: .... Ummmm.. in-between, I guess, close enough to happy except I need to sort my podge out and I have NO idea whether to go home for the hols or not.
Oh yes, I have GOT TO GOTTOGOTTOGOTGOTgotto sctually do some work on my essays for Japanese, TV across languages and French revision.
Thursday, 13 March 2008
Now my emo rant is over, I'm gonna be a boring MSI obsessive fangirl bugger!
I managed to buy the superdeluxehyperamazingmaster3000 ultra limited Package of MSI's new album last night, yayers!
Not that you'll care, but you get
*Vinyl edit with digital download card (I like the artwork on that one best)
*Explicit CD with Jhonen Vasquez drawings and exclusive Vasquez art
*Explicit CD with never-before seen photos of the band
*A little EP (Either that or LP, I can't remember now) with an otherwise completely unreleased song on it
*An exclusive T-shirt
(Bearing in mind that the actual price is in US$).
Plus their latest single (Not part of the package, but do I care? No)
I don't care that I don't yet have a record player.... my current hifi's stereo system doesn't work any more and - despite myself - I've always wanted one of those 'nostalgia machines' (The ones that can play tapes, CDs, radio and vinyl.). Maybe I could get one for birthday or Xmas?
Ooh, and I've at long last managed to book accommodation and travel for their gigs in Manchester and Birmingham. Dammit, hotels are expensive (Even the cheapo ones!).
Aah well, it'll be r8te worth it to see them again.
Dear god, how spoilt do I sound?! *embarrassed cough* Anyway, MUST leave as I'm starving and have lessons to do (Not quite so yayers, but there we are).
*****
Been thinknig I should put up some actual IMAGES onto this blog as it's a bit full of text. Anyway, shut UP EMMA! Say bye bye now.
Not that you'll care, but you get
*Vinyl edit with digital download card (I like the artwork on that one best)
*Explicit CD with Jhonen Vasquez drawings and exclusive Vasquez art
*Explicit CD with never-before seen photos of the band
*A little EP (Either that or LP, I can't remember now) with an otherwise completely unreleased song on it
*An exclusive T-shirt
(Bearing in mind that the actual price is in US$).
Plus their latest single (Not part of the package, but do I care? No)
I don't care that I don't yet have a record player.... my current hifi's stereo system doesn't work any more and - despite myself - I've always wanted one of those 'nostalgia machines' (The ones that can play tapes, CDs, radio and vinyl.). Maybe I could get one for birthday or Xmas?
Ooh, and I've at long last managed to book accommodation and travel for their gigs in Manchester and Birmingham. Dammit, hotels are expensive (Even the cheapo ones!).
Aah well, it'll be r8te worth it to see them again.
Dear god, how spoilt do I sound?! *embarrassed cough* Anyway, MUST leave as I'm starving and have lessons to do (Not quite so yayers, but there we are).
*****
Been thinknig I should put up some actual IMAGES onto this blog as it's a bit full of text. Anyway, shut UP EMMA! Say bye bye now.
Emo moment ... but I've found all of this to be true (Speaking as only an Asperger can)
Friendship is a lot like falling in love and 'romantic' (HA FUCKING HA)relationships. For a start, it mostly happens when you least expect - and sometimes least want - it to happen.
Your body goes through a ridiculous mishmash of chemical reactions and you start feeling very intense emotions about the person. You're scared of what might happen next. You never know for sure if you really ARE in a frienship (Especially if the other person is a - *shudders* neurotypical. (God, I hate that term! Why not just call then Joes and be done with it? Much simpler, less geeky-sounding and it puts them in their place)
Sometimes it turns out happy after a year and continues happily for many years after that fine, and you both accept the occasional minor hiccups.
But most of the time, it either starts off OK and then fizzles out because you stop talking to each other, or it starts OK and then you find out that the person was never even worth being friends with in the first place, for whatever reason.
OR.... you know they're a nice person and do have some good qualities, but they're difficult to be friends with (Mainly due to the fact that you are seen as more important to them than they are to you).
Sometimes people who come under any - or all - of the descriptions, usually except the first one - are pretty much impossible to shake off, but you can gradually remove yourself more and more from them given time.
On other occasions, it feels like you're holding onto the cracks of the foundations, but you can't let go*
Very rarely, you make the first move - you never know for sure whether it's even worth making a move in case you end up bruised all over again, just like the previous 50 times you made a move.... and yet you don't quite give up even though it's bloody obvious you should. WHY?
What hurts is when the ones you thought you could trust with your life have totally changed and given you bruises, although they may deny it and/or not actually know they've done so.
*Maybe it was a bit corny using Kate Nash lyrics. Sorry.
Can't think of any more atm..... probably just as well. Urgh!
Your body goes through a ridiculous mishmash of chemical reactions and you start feeling very intense emotions about the person. You're scared of what might happen next. You never know for sure if you really ARE in a frienship (Especially if the other person is a - *shudders* neurotypical. (God, I hate that term! Why not just call then Joes and be done with it? Much simpler, less geeky-sounding and it puts them in their place)
Sometimes it turns out happy after a year and continues happily for many years after that fine, and you both accept the occasional minor hiccups.
But most of the time, it either starts off OK and then fizzles out because you stop talking to each other, or it starts OK and then you find out that the person was never even worth being friends with in the first place, for whatever reason.
OR.... you know they're a nice person and do have some good qualities, but they're difficult to be friends with (Mainly due to the fact that you are seen as more important to them than they are to you).
Sometimes people who come under any - or all - of the descriptions, usually except the first one - are pretty much impossible to shake off, but you can gradually remove yourself more and more from them given time.
On other occasions, it feels like you're holding onto the cracks of the foundations, but you can't let go*
Very rarely, you make the first move - you never know for sure whether it's even worth making a move in case you end up bruised all over again, just like the previous 50 times you made a move.... and yet you don't quite give up even though it's bloody obvious you should. WHY?
What hurts is when the ones you thought you could trust with your life have totally changed and given you bruises, although they may deny it and/or not actually know they've done so.
*Maybe it was a bit corny using Kate Nash lyrics. Sorry.
Can't think of any more atm..... probably just as well. Urgh!
Frydee (7.3)
We got up fairly early to try and sort out my stupid loan (God, I hate bureaucracy!), collect a suit jacket I'd ordered on Ebay as a panic buy (Just in case the one I saw in the shop disappearzizzed) and ummm..... yeah. But beforehand, we had a r8te nice bvreakfast at Quick Cafe.
Mum left on the bus to Runcorn (Where Nana lives) at about 11-12ish. I, however, had a lesson at 2pm, and then had to pack. So I got to Nana's about..... 6ish. I think.
It's so strange. She hardly ever cooks for herself (She doesn't like the idea of having to clean the hob and she 'doesn't enjoy food so much when she's by herself'. ), yet she'll be making all kinds of things for Mum and I (Or whoever's staying with her). She's not a brilliant cook, but it's nice to see her happy when we both polish off what she's made for us.
She also plies us with food a lot (Perhaps more often than is good for one XD)... but eats like a bird.
God, I use her, I know. Poor woman. But it's great to see here agian (Espesh seeing as I've not seen her at all this uni year, shamefully.)
Mum left on the bus to Runcorn (Where Nana lives) at about 11-12ish. I, however, had a lesson at 2pm, and then had to pack. So I got to Nana's about..... 6ish. I think.
It's so strange. She hardly ever cooks for herself (She doesn't like the idea of having to clean the hob and she 'doesn't enjoy food so much when she's by herself'. ), yet she'll be making all kinds of things for Mum and I (Or whoever's staying with her). She's not a brilliant cook, but it's nice to see her happy when we both polish off what she's made for us.
She also plies us with food a lot (Perhaps more often than is good for one XD)... but eats like a bird.
God, I use her, I know. Poor woman. But it's great to see here agian (Espesh seeing as I've not seen her at all this uni year, shamefully.)
Thursdee (6.3)
Thursday 6th March - Mum came all the way up from home on the train to me. We did a fair bit of shopping (Both the nice and the boring but necessary kids).
I managed to get a really cute shirt and belt I'd wanted for ages in Topshop (I don't normally shop there, but I had a voucher and had liked them for ages, so why not?!)
Shirt:- http://www.topshop.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=0&viewAllFlag=true&catalogId=19551&storeId=12556&categoryId=93615&parent_category_rn=42325&productId=518748&langId=-1 (Mine was white, though)
Belt:- http://www.topman.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=0&viewAllFlag=&catalogId=17551&storeId=12555&productId=628872&langId=-1&categoryId=&parent_category_rn= (In the grey. I'm actually wearing it as I type).
Also got essentials in Tesco (Why is the only one near me a sodding METRO one?!) and had a nosey round the town centre. Then finished it all off with a takeaway (Mum wnated curry sauce with her fish and chips, but they don't do it. I had ribs and chips as I was really craving sweet and sour sauce)
According to a Facebook message, some of teh gays were out tonight, so I thought of joining. However, when I got to Scholars at about 9:30..... nobody was there.
This got me a tad pissy like, so I went off to the Aldham Robarts library (Thank God it's open 24-7) and stayed there working and procrastinating till about 3:30am.
Got a Subway after that, ate it while watching TV in the communal area and went to bed.
Rock and roll, ne?
I managed to get a really cute shirt and belt I'd wanted for ages in Topshop (I don't normally shop there, but I had a voucher and had liked them for ages, so why not?!)
Shirt:- http://www.topshop.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=0&viewAllFlag=true&catalogId=19551&storeId=12556&categoryId=93615&parent_category_rn=42325&productId=518748&langId=-1 (Mine was white, though)
Belt:- http://www.topman.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=0&viewAllFlag=&catalogId=17551&storeId=12555&productId=628872&langId=-1&categoryId=&parent_category_rn= (In the grey. I'm actually wearing it as I type).
Also got essentials in Tesco (Why is the only one near me a sodding METRO one?!) and had a nosey round the town centre. Then finished it all off with a takeaway (Mum wnated curry sauce with her fish and chips, but they don't do it. I had ribs and chips as I was really craving sweet and sour sauce)
According to a Facebook message, some of teh gays were out tonight, so I thought of joining. However, when I got to Scholars at about 9:30..... nobody was there.
This got me a tad pissy like, so I went off to the Aldham Robarts library (Thank God it's open 24-7) and stayed there working and procrastinating till about 3:30am.
Got a Subway after that, ate it while watching TV in the communal area and went to bed.
Rock and roll, ne?
Monday, 10 March 2008
Tuesday, 4 March 2008
Things I've learnt today:
-I'm useless when it comes to getting the right kanji for each word during dictations
-Tuesday shall henceforth be known as 'Krazy Kayoubi' (Crazy Tuesday) and everone shall wear turquoise
-I hardly seem to eat now in comparison to a couple of weeks ago (Maybe I've stopped growing?!)
-My hands get eczema even in warm weather (I assume that's what it is. They itch and get all dry and cracked, anyway. Gyaaaaah >:( )
- The Body Shop is not the best place to go looking for a job if you're a student due to (IMO) their demands for recruits to be available 24/7.
-I'm useless when it comes to getting the right kanji for each word during dictations
-Tuesday shall henceforth be known as 'Krazy Kayoubi' (Crazy Tuesday) and everone shall wear turquoise
-I hardly seem to eat now in comparison to a couple of weeks ago (Maybe I've stopped growing?!)
-My hands get eczema even in warm weather (I assume that's what it is. They itch and get all dry and cracked, anyway. Gyaaaaah >:( )
- The Body Shop is not the best place to go looking for a job if you're a student due to (IMO) their demands for recruits to be available 24/7.
Monday, 3 March 2008
For the first time in about a month or two, I actually went to classes on Monday (No, I wasn't boozing and partying for most of it. In fact, I just didn't have the energy to do anything and didn't feel like I could face the world. Never mind exactly why, I'm still in the process of chasing down someone who's prepared to put up with my 'Am I bipolar/depressed/borderline?' navel-gazing.
I've been to the doc's about my head once, though. Which is a start.)
But enough of that, onto what happened today.
Spent the early morning doing a bit of room-tidying and sticking things onto my walls with white-tack, which was enjoyable.
First lesson was Japanese language with John (Collins. John Collins^. The end of a leg and an amazing guy. He also regularly has me in stitches during his classes).
^Sorry, I couldn't resist XD! And no, I'm not a teacher's pet (I hope). Just wait until you meet him.
*****
Anyway....
He offered me a 'plate' of really cute finger puppet animals and I had to say "kore ni kudasai" (I'll take that one). I hovered between a white poodle and a dog with tan on the sides of his face and white on the front, deciding on the latter. The boy next to me took the poodle and reckoned that it looked like Sweep (I disagreed). We analysed the comparisons between Sweep and his puppet in great detail and we also had to talk to our puppets.
I called mine Chauncey, after Jimmy Urine's - long dead and stuffed, but still very much loved! - dog. Jimmy-sama is the lead singer of Mindless Self Indulgence, if you're wondering. *daydreams but manages to stop self from posting completely irrelevant rubbish about teh band just in time*.
We covered the "-nai" form of verbs and I remember at one point that John stamped my hand with a marker pen (Lid ON!!) and said it was a voucher for a Bounty bar. He also said 'Bounty bar for you' whenever I made a point that - I guess - he thought was particularly relevant/good/illuminating/whatever positive synonym. Which was twice. And he said that the second and third offers for a Bounty were lies. I thought he was joking and that the Bounty was a bribe, so I pretty much forgot about it.
At the end of the lesson, John said we could keep the puppets, but ONLY if we said 'May I keep it?' in Japanese. I didn't know how to say it, so I gave Chauncey back to John. He was surprised and said that he'd thought I'd keep mine.
I felt a tiny bit sad about it, actually. I loved Chauncey. Oh well, there should be another time I see him.
Checked emails and uploaded new photos to my Facebook and Myspace, then went to Introduction to Contemporary Development (id est, contemporary Japanese society).
*****
Luckily, I came in just before John arrived. He came in(durh!!), then - to my surprise - actually gave me a Bounty! In front of the whole class, too. I was embarrassed, but thanked him and put it in my bag.
This lesson was spent reading a very confusing textbook extract about Zen, finishing the following sentence
My answer to the following sentence was 'nightclubs'.
Lastly, Japanese language with Ken. I was feeling really tired at this point (I'd not gone to bed since the night before due to revising for Tuesday's test) and actually dozed off in class a couple of times.
But Ken never says anything about it :s. Mind you, I'm usually off in a trance when he asks me to read something and/or completely lost anyway ><. Plus, I'm painfully slow at reading aloud to the class (Imagine a 5-year old English child reading English, but replace it with a 20-year-old Englisher reading Japanese while being in a bit of a daze and you should get the picture).
Went home, lay on bed and crashed out. It was 5pm.
Woke up about 9:15 (Oops, I meant to go out somewhere at 7) to hear my mobile going. It was mum, to tell me that she'd told Dad to post up a new contract sim card^ and that she had a really gunky chest infection :(.
^I barred my after losing it at a houseparty a couple of weekends ago. Never mind how. Just connect the dots of student, alcohol and alcohol's effects.
*****
It's nana's birthday on the 8th and Mum was planning on coming up to see me on Thursday (She'd even booked a ticket from Norbury to Liverpool). Whether she actually will or not depends on how her lungs are. It'd be a shame if I didn't manage to see mum, but seeing nana will be nice.
Things I've learnt today:
-I'd forgotten how hilarious lessons with John are
-NEVER buy a Chicken Caesar wrap from the Student Shop. Because you will stink of garlic, guaranteed.
-Whenever I've spent most of the week revising for whatever I've been told to revise for as part of that Tuesday's hiragana, I then get told the test is on something completely different on the Monday before said test, ergo pull an all-nighter revising, go in for test at 9am and invariably do really badly ><
I've been to the doc's about my head once, though. Which is a start.)
But enough of that, onto what happened today.
Spent the early morning doing a bit of room-tidying and sticking things onto my walls with white-tack, which was enjoyable.
First lesson was Japanese language with John (Collins. John Collins^. The end of a leg and an amazing guy. He also regularly has me in stitches during his classes).
^Sorry, I couldn't resist XD! And no, I'm not a teacher's pet (I hope). Just wait until you meet him.
*****
Anyway....
He offered me a 'plate' of really cute finger puppet animals and I had to say "kore ni kudasai" (I'll take that one). I hovered between a white poodle and a dog with tan on the sides of his face and white on the front, deciding on the latter. The boy next to me took the poodle and reckoned that it looked like Sweep (I disagreed). We analysed the comparisons between Sweep and his puppet in great detail and we also had to talk to our puppets.
I called mine Chauncey, after Jimmy Urine's - long dead and stuffed, but still very much loved! - dog. Jimmy-sama is the lead singer of Mindless Self Indulgence, if you're wondering. *daydreams but manages to stop self from posting completely irrelevant rubbish about teh band just in time*.
We covered the "-nai" form of verbs and I remember at one point that John stamped my hand with a marker pen (Lid ON!!) and said it was a voucher for a Bounty bar. He also said 'Bounty bar for you' whenever I made a point that - I guess - he thought was particularly relevant/good/illuminating/whatever positive synonym. Which was twice. And he said that the second and third offers for a Bounty were lies. I thought he was joking and that the Bounty was a bribe, so I pretty much forgot about it.
At the end of the lesson, John said we could keep the puppets, but ONLY if we said 'May I keep it?' in Japanese. I didn't know how to say it, so I gave Chauncey back to John. He was surprised and said that he'd thought I'd keep mine.
I felt a tiny bit sad about it, actually. I loved Chauncey. Oh well, there should be another time I see him.
Checked emails and uploaded new photos to my Facebook and Myspace, then went to Introduction to Contemporary Development (id est, contemporary Japanese society).
*****
Luckily, I came in just before John arrived. He came in(durh!!), then - to my surprise - actually gave me a Bounty! In front of the whole class, too. I was embarrassed, but thanked him and put it in my bag.
This lesson was spent reading a very confusing textbook extract about Zen, finishing the following sentence
Churches are being demlished to make....and (for me) colouring in the mens' faces on aforementioned textbook extract(Photocopied), taking notes and occasionally drawing Jimmy.
My answer to the following sentence was 'nightclubs'.
Lastly, Japanese language with Ken. I was feeling really tired at this point (I'd not gone to bed since the night before due to revising for Tuesday's test) and actually dozed off in class a couple of times.
But Ken never says anything about it :s. Mind you, I'm usually off in a trance when he asks me to read something and/or completely lost anyway ><. Plus, I'm painfully slow at reading aloud to the class (Imagine a 5-year old English child reading English, but replace it with a 20-year-old Englisher reading Japanese while being in a bit of a daze and you should get the picture).
Went home, lay on bed and crashed out. It was 5pm.
Woke up about 9:15 (Oops, I meant to go out somewhere at 7) to hear my mobile going. It was mum, to tell me that she'd told Dad to post up a new contract sim card^ and that she had a really gunky chest infection :(.
^I barred my after losing it at a houseparty a couple of weekends ago. Never mind how. Just connect the dots of student, alcohol and alcohol's effects.
*****
It's nana's birthday on the 8th and Mum was planning on coming up to see me on Thursday (She'd even booked a ticket from Norbury to Liverpool). Whether she actually will or not depends on how her lungs are. It'd be a shame if I didn't manage to see mum, but seeing nana will be nice.
Things I've learnt today:
-I'd forgotten how hilarious lessons with John are
-NEVER buy a Chicken Caesar wrap from the Student Shop. Because you will stink of garlic, guaranteed.
-Whenever I've spent most of the week revising for whatever I've been told to revise for as part of that Tuesday's hiragana, I then get told the test is on something completely different on the Monday before said test, ergo pull an all-nighter revising, go in for test at 9am and invariably do really badly ><
Testing testing 123
OK, so this is my first blog here.
Ummm..... I'm gonna have to be brutally honest and say that this will more than likely become a vent for my self-obsessed random musings and what happened today in my life, maybe the odd comment on something in the news/an issue in today's society, things I've observed and so on.
Tell me how crap it is, I don't care XD!
Ummm..... I'm gonna have to be brutally honest and say that this will more than likely become a vent for my self-obsessed random musings and what happened today in my life, maybe the odd comment on something in the news/an issue in today's society, things I've observed and so on.
Tell me how crap it is, I don't care XD!
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